Where have you been?

Who?  Me?  Whoa!  Has it been that long?  I cannot possibly believe this. Nevah!

You still there?  I certainly hope so.

It's been a long absence, I agree. And yes, it needs an explanation, don't you think?

If you were following me before my extremely long absence, you may have noticed that my posts became very sporadic.  It's about time that I tell you this.  My mind was elsewhere most of the time in those days.  I didn't know what to write about.  I was worried and scared about life and the future and most of all, I was so unsure of myself.  I guess, I still am, if I am honest.  But today, I thought, "well, s*d it, I'm going to come back and write again. No matter what life brings.

The year I stopped writing was the year my father passed on.  It was the saddest year of my life.  The following year, my husband had an open heart surgery.  That scared me to the core.  Not to mention my son's visits to the hospital as well.  That is basically a brief catalogue of the critical points of my life during my absence.  In between these points, I was in a state of mental turmoil.  I was not sure if I should be writing about those life events on my blog.  Because I was in doubt, I didn't.  I also put my writing-in-progress aside, literally.  I've put them away, in a bundle, so I won't see them.  My inner voice wanted to write but there was also another voice telling me not to.  I listened to the not-to.  Then the voice left me.  It probably got tired talking to me.  No matter what I did, I couldn't find the words anymore to write.

Overtime, I began to lose my sense of self.

My sense of identity.

My inspiration.

I thought I'd just live to exist and be a wife and a mother.

And it was not enough for me.  I knew I could do better.  I felt I could do something more.

Slowly, I picked up the pieces - "my" pieces...and I am still trying to put them back together.

I am getting the inspiration back.  I am getting everything back.  My sense of self.  My sense of identity. At the same time, still trying to be a good mum and a wife.  It is possible to shuffle and juggle.  Give each one of these things a little bit of love and attention, with just the right amount in every pot, I guess.

That's why I'm here.  Again.  With you.

There will be more of me.  More stories to tell.

This is only the beginning, ha! Watch this space, my lovelies!!!!

What is Speculative Fiction by Theresa Milstein

Today, I'm swapping posts with a good friend and fellow writer, Theresa Milstein. I'm very excited because we are both included in the anthology, From Stage Door Shadows.

Theresa talks about speculative fiction...here she is!

Thanks for swapping blogs with me, Len.  I’m so excited to be in From Stage Door Shadows with you!

Last summer, I learned about the rules for writing a short story for the anthology From Stage Door Shadows:

1. Be inspired by a line from Elton John’s song “Tiny Dancer”

(That was easy.  I chose, “Looking on she sings the songs”.)

2. The piece must be speculative fiction.

What? 

I had to look it up. 

Here’s the definition on Wikipedia:

Speculative fiction is an umbrella term encompassing the more highly imaginative fiction genres, specifically including science fiction, fantasy, horror, supernatural fiction, superhero fiction, utopian and dystopian fiction, apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic fiction, and alternate history.

Okay.

That covers just about everything.  It’s almost too broad. 

I found this one on dictionary.com:

a broad literary genre encompassing any fiction with supernatural, fantastical, or futuristic elements. 

As soon as I got the line for the song, the ideas began to percolate.  My manuscripts normally have a magical element, but my short stories are often realistic fiction with a twist.  My first idea to write about children’s beauty pageants wasn’t going to have a fantasy element.  What to do now? 

The reason I chose children’s beauty pageants is because they seem extreme.  How the girls look and behave is extreme. I thought about women today: the fight over their bodies, the display of their bodies, and the idea of traditional roles. 

Then I thought about placing the pageant in the future.  What would beauty pageants look like in 2313?  What status would women have in the future? Once I asked those questions, I became even more excited about my story idea. 

Speculative fiction is about pushing the limits.

When I sent my story all polished, I felt good about it.  But the editor, Jodi Cleghorn, who worked with me for 100 Stories for Queensland, wanted me to push the piece further—make it darker.  It was the most extensive edit I’d ever done for a short story, and “My Moment” was much better for it.   

After reading about half the stories, I believe that everyone pushed limits.  I felt like I peeked down alleyways on dark nights and spied through windows in unsavory neighborhoods.  Here and there, I found flashes of magic and glimmers of hope.    

I’ve been amazed over how the lines from one song could inspire such various stories in place, time, tone, and more.  It was like eating a box of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans.  

Watch out for earwax. 

Have you ever heard of speculative fiction?

Have you written speculative fiction? 

Where to find From Stage Door Shadows:

Goodreads 

Amazon 

Barnes and Noble 

The Book Depository 

eMergent Publishing

On the eMergent site, the book is $19.99 and the ebook formats are $4.95. 

Enjoy this!

The Kindness Project: Being surrounded with Kindness

I've recently signed up for The Kindness Project after reading Carolina Valdez Miller's beautiful post (another one of the so many awe-inspiring posts she's written on her blog) but never got around to posting anything. So, today, I thought it's about time I do that.

I hope you forgive me if I'm presently still lost in my own little world. I've recently told you about losing my father. We probably always say this about our parents but this is the truth: my father was one of the kindest people I know. He always had a nice thing to say about and to almost anyone. Even when someone was inconsiderate or rude to him, he was still nice. This was probably why people loved him.

I had not seen my father since 2009.  I wasn't there when he fell ill after his operation in January this year. I wasn't there when he got hospitalised for two months. It was torture not being there for him and for my family. But I couldn't do anything because I couldn't afford to go home and see them. In June, doctors told my family Dad may not have too long to live. We were all devastated. We knew it was going to happen. But when he passed away on the 24th of July, it was still a shock. I was just on the phone talking to him the night before. The truth is nobody ever prepares anyone of us for something like this. No amount of courage or positive-thinking could ever make it less painful.

In the midst of all this though, beautiful things happened. My father was surrounded with kindness.

Help came in all forms.

Visits to the hospital
A cooling fan for my father
Bags of different kinds of fruits
An electric thermal pot

Phone calls. E-mails.
Messages via texting, chat, Facebook, etc.

A warm embrace.
A kiss.
The warmth of a hand over my father's and mother's.

Prayers.
Positive thoughts.

Most of all, your presence which provided comfort.

There was - and still is - so much love, kindness, generosity and compassion pouring out within and around us.  I was so deeply touched. In the midst of this all, I saw the face of God. That's just how I would describe it.

Let me say thank you. I cannot put all of your names here but, you know who you all are. I wish I could but I know I will not be able to be there for every one of you. But if there is anything I can do within my capacity to help, I'd do it. And I mean it.

I wish for all of you to see the same "beautiful face" I saw at a time when you most need to see it. I wish that you all be surrounded with kindness and love. Outpouring. The same way you surrounded me and my family with them.


**********

Please be sure to check out all the inspirational posts for THE KINDNESS PROJECT.

Losing my father

I've missed you. All of you. It's been such a long absence. And I am returning with the saddest news.

I've just lost my father. My favourite person on the planet. It's been more than a month now and I still can't believe he is gone.

He became very unwell after his operation in January. I wasn't able to see him due to financial constraints and family situation. It was disheartening not seeing him and not being able to look after him. I had only words to tell him in the days that he was in pain that I love him.

I have moments of deep longing to hear his voice and to see him. The grief was and still is indescribable, incomprehensible. My world will never be the same again without him.  Anguish hits me without warning - I can be anywhere - in the car, in the kitchen, in the supermarket, in front of the television...my eyes will well up and it takes a long time for the tears to stop.

In this post, I'd like to pay tribute to my dad.  Did I tell you I called him "Tatay"? In English, it means "Father".  Here's something I wrote for him for the memorial service we had in my home in England, away from my family in the Philippines.

My dearest Tatay,

You were my anchor.  You always believed in me and supported me in everything I did or wanted to achieve.  Even when I stopped believing in love, you kept telling me "love will come".  When it did, you came up to me and said, "Didn't I tell you love will come?"  You were happy to see me happy.

I made mistakes in my life and disappointed you in many ways but you never said anything.  If you were hurting, you kept it all to yourself and carried on showing me your love.  You once said to me, "No harm will ever come to you for as long as I live."

My world will never be the same again now that you are gone.  But I know you are in a better place.  The thought comforts me somehow.

I miss you, Tatay.  I love you very much.  I don't want to say goodbye so please let me say "Until we meet again."

I'm very sorry this post is full of sorrow. I am trying to get some normality back. Some days are good, other days are not. I have been blessed with a husband who runs to me to give me comfort when immense sadness hits. Somehow, it makes me feel alright. Or that everything will be alright.

This may not be the last time I will be mentioning Tatay.  I have another post coming about the good things that happened in the midst of all this crisis. That post will be a reassurance that indeed, everything will be alright.

See you all again soon.

Book Launch: Oracle by J.C. Martin

Olympics-mania is at fever pitch! What better way is there to get into the Olympic spirit than a book set around the London Games?

J.C. Martin releases her debut novel, crime thriller Oracle, today! To celebrate, she's holding a month-long Oracle Olympics Blog Tour, with tons of games and prizes, including a possible grand prize of an iPad3 (for more details, visit J.C.'s blog)!

And it all kicks off with today's Opening Ceremony!

Read on to find out how you could win a signed paperback copy of Oracle right off the bat!

So what is Oracle about, anyway? Here's the blurb:

Oracle

With London gearing up to host the Olympics, the city doesn't need a serial killer stalking the streets, but they've got one anyway.

Leaving a trail of brutal and bizarre murders, the police force is no closer to finding the latest psychopath than Detective Inspector Kurt Lancer is in finding a solution for his daughter's disability.

Thrust into the pressure cooker of a high profile case, the struggling single parent is wound tight as he tries to balance care of his own family with the safety of a growing population of potential victims.

One of whom could be his own daughter.

Fingers point in every direction as the public relations nightmare grows, and Lancer's only answer comes in the form of a single oak leaf left at each crime scene.

Purchase Links: Amazon US | Amazon UK | Barnes & Noble

Intrigued?

Here's your chance to win a signed copy of the book!

All you have to do is visit all the blogs in the Parade of Nations in order (for a complete list of blogs, visit Olympics HQ here), including this one! Each blog will have a secret letter. Collect them all to decipher the secret message. Then go back to J.C.'s blog and enter your answer in the Rafflecopter for your chance to win! Answer some additional bonus questions to multiply your chances of winning!

The contest will remain open till midnight EST on Friday 3rd August. The winner will be announced on J.C.'s blog!

So here is my secret letter: I

Click on over to Cherie Reich's Surrounded by Books for the next letter!

Good luck!

Winter makes a comeback and so do I!

Winter has definitely returned.  Our summer days here in the UK seem to have been replaced by rain and wintry winds and it's been going on continuously for days now! Acckk!  I've just put my ever-so-comfortable open sandals back in the shoe cabinet...and you guess it right, am now wearing boots again!  (At this rate, I should be getting welly boots!)

The sun keeps hiding :(

But I shouldn't be complaining because cold nights mean sitting by the fire, (er, we don't have a fireplace - so I'm sitting next to the radiator instead) while sipping a mug of hot choco all wrapped up in a 30tog duvet, ha!  And of course writing in my notepad.  It also means more time indoors - therefore, more time to read, blog and stalk my favourite bloggers on line.  So, what is there to moan about, right?  Right.

I've missed lots of blog excitement in the last two months.  Apologies for not being able to comment at all on your posts during the A-Z Challenge.  I've read some of them and you are all amazing!  How could you all do that, post each day?  I can't even manage to post once a week!  To all your awesomeness, I take my hat off.

Speaking of being unable to post enough.  I've recently found another book that's just a champion!  It's Laura Bambrey's 100 Blog Prompts.  Have you heard of it?  You haven't?  Oh dear, you are missing something really good.  Here's the link, go have a look...! But come back to me after!

PLEASE CLICK HERE 

With a frazzled brain like mine these days, I badly need this.  So, thank you, Laura, for this!

Do you run out of blog ideas, too?  
How often do you post on your blog?  
Where do you get your ideas?

What is your definition of success?

I'm over at Gemma's My Dailies and answered this question.  I also talked about writing, being a mum, and blogging!  I wouldn't call myself great and was surprised to be featured as such. A huge thank you to my Toastmaster buddy, Gemma, for this enjoyable interview.

Gemma has been a friend for quite awhile now.  I'm very pleased to see her blogging and writing again!  Please come and say hello.

Here's Gemma's LINK.

I've also recently discovered another beautiful blog by another writer Carolina Valdez Miller. I feel honoured to have found another blogger/writer friend with such big heart.  Read her extremely passionate post about her trip to Haiti. It made me cry.  Please click HERE.

Oracle Cover Reveal Mystery Tour

J.C. Martin's upcoming novel Oracle will be released middle of this year.  Today is the day she's releasing the book cover to the public and there's a mystery to be solved.  Below is the blurb of the book....to find out more, please click on the link down below to go to J.C.'s blog.  Enjoy!!!


*******

As the countdown begins, the body count rises.

With London gearing up to host the Olympics, the city doesn’t need a serial killer stalking the streets. They’ve got one anyway.

Leaving a trail of brutal and bizarre murders, the police are no closer to finding their latest murderer than Detective Inspector Kirk Lyncher is in finding a solution for his daughter’s disability.

Thrust into the pressure cooker of a high profile case, the struggling single parent is wound tight as he tries to balance care of his own family with the safety of a growing population of potential next victims.

One of whom could be his own daughter.

Fingers point in every direction as the public relations nightmare grows, and Lyncher’s only answer comes in the form of a single oak leaf left at each crime scene.

FIND OUT MORE! VISIT THE ORACLE MYSTERY TOUR HEADQUARTERS - - - click HERE.  

I've got a new blog! Yay!

Quite recently, the lovely Laura Barnes has critiqued my blog.  Before the critique, I was already contemplating on creating a separate blog for my writing.  If you have been a follower of my blog, Conversations with Self, you probably know that it started as a personal blog in 2007 which slowly evolved into a writing blog.

I got serious in my writing in 2010 when I left my job to be a full-time mother to my son who has special needs.  I began writing in my spare time. So, after reading Laura's suggestions, it got me thinking!  It's about time for a writer's blog!  So here I am!

It would make me truly happy if you follow this blog, too!

What about you?  

If you are an aspiring author, have you created a separate blog specifically as a writer?  


If you are a published author and already have an author blog, when did you feel it was time to do so?