Thursday 3 April 2014

Where have you been?

Who?  Me?  Whoa!  Has it been that long?  I cannot possibly believe this. Nevah!

You still there?  I certainly hope so.

It's been a long absence, I agree. And yes, it needs an explanation, don't you think?

If you were following me before my extremely long absence, you may have noticed that my posts became very sporadic.  It's about time that I tell you this.  My mind was elsewhere most of the time in those days.  I didn't know what to write about.  I was worried and scared about life and the future and most of all, I was so unsure of myself.  I guess, I still am, if I am honest.  But today, I thought, "well, s*d it, I'm going to come back and write again. No matter what life brings.

The year I stopped writing was the year my father passed on.  It was the saddest year of my life.  The following year, my husband had an open heart surgery.  That scared me to the core.  Not to mention my son's visits to the hospital as well.  That is basically a brief catalogue of the critical points of my life during my absence.  In between these points, I was in a state of mental turmoil.  I was not sure if I should be writing about those life events on my blog.  Because I was in doubt, I didn't.  I also put my writing-in-progress aside, literally.  I've put them away, in a bundle, so I won't see them.  My inner voice wanted to write but there was also another voice telling me not to.  I listened to the not-to.  Then the voice left me.  It probably got tired talking to me.  No matter what I did, I couldn't find the words anymore to write.

Overtime, I began to lose my sense of self.

My sense of identity.

My inspiration.

I thought I'd just live to exist and be a wife and a mother.

And it was not enough for me.  I knew I could do better.  I felt I could do something more.

Slowly, I picked up the pieces - "my" pieces...and I am still trying to put them back together.

I am getting the inspiration back.  I am getting everything back.  My sense of self.  My sense of identity. At the same time, still trying to be a good mum and a wife.  It is possible to shuffle and juggle.  Give each one of these things a little bit of love and attention, with just the right amount in every pot, I guess.

That's why I'm here.  Again.  With you.

There will be more of me.  More stories to tell.

This is only the beginning, ha! Watch this space, my lovelies!!!!



17 comments:

  1. Welcome back! I know how hard tis time has been for you. I'm glad the worst is behind you and you're rebuilding. We're probably better wives and mothers when we have more in our lives, don't you think? Take care, friend. Write on!

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    1. Thank you, Theresa. It's been tough but that's life. Take care, too...and most of all, thank you for always being there xoxo (we usually just put x x x over here, hehehe)

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  2. Who cares where you have been ... you're back and that is what matters! Love you, Len xx

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    1. Awww, you are the sweetest, my friend. Love you, too x x x

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  3. Hello Len! The only place I've caught you for some time is the old facebook. I'm glad to see you back again! All the best! You don't have to make excuses for not blogging. We all need a break at times.x

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    1. Hi Denise! How are you? Thank you for dropping by :) I really needed the break…but I'm glad to be back! :)

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  4. Oh, and I changed my browser to Firefox and Chrome had a conniption! Trouble is I have a cookie problem so Google Friend won't work. I'll follow you when I get it sorted. You know technology!!

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  5. Hi Len .. in some ways this sounds like me .. I didn't want to write about my mother or my uncle's illnesses or the time I spent with them etc .. and really that's how my blog developed into the way it is .. it's helped - as I can be positive and I am thankfully anyway ...

    So quite understand your withdrawal .. but am glad you're back .. and it's good to see you .. catch you again soon .. cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi Hilary…you get me, right? I find it difficult to disclose too many information especially if it's too personal. Also, at the time, I didn't know whether my Dad wanted me to tell the world that he was unwell. I also want to be a happy person on line. It was difficult so I thought I'd just keep it to myself. Thanks for visiting :) Glad to see you again.

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  6. Hi Len,

    I am new to your blog and I am touched by your perspective on the personal value of blogging. I have found it can help through grief -- community identity and support is amazing. Writing and reaching an audience itself feels so good, too.

    I am sorry about your dad and husband. How is your husband doing now?

    Ashley

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    1. Thanks for dropping by, Ashley. My husband is a lot better, thank you for asking :) Nice to meet you! :)

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    2. You're welcome and I'm so glad your husband is a lot better! My pleasure to visit and meet you.

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  7. Oh my goodness! Len!! What a time you've had! I am so so so so sorry about your dad and then your hubby's surgery must have been so frightening! I do hope he is ok and having a good recovery! And big big hugs to your boy too! I hope 2014 brings you all only positive light and good things!!

    Glad that you're inner voice has re-surfaced!! I hope to hear and read many many stories from your fabulous and inspired self! Take care and WELCOME BACK!!!! x

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    1. Aww, Kitty, thank you! Nice to see you again! It's nice to see the nicest bloggie friends! :)

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  8. Hiya Len glad your feeling better.Nice to read your blog again.Pat and Reuben

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  9. I can understand how you lost your muse. Mine has been pretty ellusive since my Nanny died a year ago. My daughter (the light of my life) went to college in August. I'm totally lost without her, plus she is miserable, so that makes it even worse. And yet again....our basement flooded. I'm trying to pick myself up too, I have to get the house repaired and ready to sell as we are moving in the next few months....to be closer to our daughter which should be better for both of us....Maybe my muse will return once life is settled back down for me too.

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Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your time and am very pleased that you have read my blog. I will be coming over to visit yours, too, if you have one.

Happy to see you here!