Sunday, 29 January 2012

I can. I should. I must.

My son has been unwell on and off since November.  My life has been a series of sleepless nights which more often leaves me almost incapacitated by persistent headaches.  Not to mention the crippling worry it all comes with which is a massive hindrance to anyone's creativity and imagination. I guess I’m lucky in a way because he -unbelievably- gets better when my energy begins to dry out and my body feels like giving up.

When do I get to do my writing in between visits to hospitals, school appointments and emergencies?  I don’t know.  You might have noticed the lack of posts from December to January on my old blog, Conversations with Self.  Sometimes it feels like I’m going nowhere.  That I am never going to finish anything.  Nothing will ever get done. 

This happens very often.  My life is like a roller coaster, a series of ups and downs with my writing.  There are days when I lose hope…tell myself to just forget it. 

And something happens.

An inspiration comes unexpectedly so that I am writing for hours while my son is fast asleep – with no seizures.  That doesn’t happen very often but when it does, it gives me just a tiny sparkle of hope.

My current work-in-progress is nearly 20k words.  I’m working on my second middle grade novel which requires 40-45k words, so I need to write approximately 20 to 25K more.  I’m halfway.  Almost there.  And I can see a little bit of the light at the end of the tunnel.  It’s still very faint but it’s there.

I can do this.

Do you feel like you are not going to finish your manuscript sometimes?

And when you finally do....ahhhhhh! Must be heaven.


  1. If I finish my MS, I will say ah, but I too have periods of being stymied, I am praying for your son - that he will soon be well. I am grateful you are taking care of him, kids need to know you are there. I pray inspiration grabs hold of you and you move forward with your MS.

  2. Halfway already?!!? That's so brilliant!! Yay for you!

    I am so sorry to hear about your son - what a worrying time for you. I hope he has many many more good days.

    Take care and keep going!! You'll get there!


  3. Hi Len, I hope your son gets better soon. The fact that you're a great hands-on mum in this type of distressing situation, and you still forge on with writing is something to be deeply respected. Good luck with moving forward with your MS, and again, I hope your son gets better soon <3

  4. I just passed 30,000 so I'm about half way done too. Congrats to both of us. I haven't been writing much either. I hope your son continues to get better and I am sending postive thoughs and prayers your way.

  5. Sorry you are going through a rough patch, but, yes, I've felt I'd never finish a MS. Sometimes, I still have my doubts. It's hard being a single mother to two demanding children, a slave to a day job and writer. But, I think we both have that determination needed to push through the obstacles and beat the negativity down.

  6. Len, you've finished a manuscript before--you'll do it again. People like me find excuses to write that are much flimsier than yours. Give yourself a break. Do the best you can. I'm impressed with what a good mother you are and how you still find time to write.

  7. Congratulations for making it halfway considering everything you're dealing with. It's one day at a time. One hour at a time, one word at a time. The end is in sight. Just don't give up on it. Yes, take a break, you so deserve one, but don't give up on the dream. Someday it will get better.

  8. You are doing great, Len! Keep plugging away, you'll get there. My dispair comes from the fact that I have about 27000 words from a novel that i thought was rather groundbreaking and now I've noticed that a lot of other people have and very similar ideas. Where do I go from there? Do I sack the whole thing? I don't know.
    Just said a prayer for you son. Take care!


  9. New follower here. I found you through Melissa's blog. Nice to meet you.

    I'm sorry to hear about the medical issues with your son that you're dealing with. I'm sending up prayers.

    I often feel like I may never actually finish whatever it is I'm working on. But I just keep plugging away. I am a slow writer, anyway, so it's best if I can avoid comparing my progress to the progress of other writers. We all work at our own pace and have our own "real life" issues to deal with.

  10. hi miss len! i just found where you are on your new blog. wow! cool blog for sure. im just way sad your son is sick. yikes! seizures are so scary. i hope he gets better. your a really good mom. youre doing real good on your writing and a little at a time is gonna get it done. i got you and your son in my prayers.
    ...hugs from lenny

  11. I'm sorry your son is unwell. What a difficult thing to go through. But what an inspiration you are. Congratulations on your progress, which is that much sweeter for having been accomplished under duress. I hope you will continue to find the strength and courage you will need to finish it. I think you will. It's clear to me you're a strong person.

  12. Hi Len .. thanks for this - I can now comment - and it's good to be around again.

    Life sounds challenging - but you're seeing the bright side and the positivity that he gives off .. blessings for you.

    Thankfully he gets some sleep and I do hope a balance can be struck for him .. so that you all can be peaceful without fears for a while. There's so much that can be done .. so let's hope for him .. that 'stabilisation' can be found.

    Good luck with the writing and remembering the sparkle around your words ..

    Thinking of you - Hilary

  13. I know I have not been around much either recently but wanted you to know that I am still thinking of you. Stay strong my friend.


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